A Wolf's Eye
by LovePeetaM
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through Jacob's head when he kissed Bella? Ever wonder what his devious plan was to be bold, and to go out in style? Find out.


There I was standing, only in the shadows of the misty forest, waiting for her leech to leave the premises. I wore a stiff expression, one that seemed like I didn't really want to do this, when I was really demising a plan; however, I had to keep it quiet and hidden until her bloodsucker couldn't hear me anymore. How come they had cool gifts and my kind didn't?

Bella was staring at me, fearing of my vacant expression, though I knew she had struggled seeing me from so far away. To seem like I didn't really want to be with her, I said, "I'm in a hurry, Bella. Why don't you just get it over with?"

She paused not saying anything—a sense of worry?

"Just say the words, and be done with it," I pressed.

I heard her breathe deeply before she said anything to me, but she did eventually come out with something.

"I'm sorry I'm such a rotten person. I'm sorry that I've been so selfish. I wish I'd never met you, so I couldn't hurt you the way I have. I won't do it anymore, I promise. I'll stay far away from you. I'll move out of the state. You won't have to look at me ever again."

Her words were sincere and hurtful, but I didn't let that show on my face. Actually, I wanted her to stay, to stay with me, but her boyfriend hung around all the time. I wanted her to be with me, to not be my enemy. I wanted to be the one to hold her; I wanted her to stay here. And she thought she was selfish.

"That's not much of an apology," I said bitterly, convincingly.

"Tell me how to do it right," she responded quietly, but with my wolf-hearing, I could hear her loud and clear.

Then I brought up my proposition, the beginning of my devious, selfish plan.

"What if I don't want you to go away? What if I'd rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don't I get any say, if you're trying to make things up to me?" I proposed.

"That won't help anything, Jake," she replied just as I came out of the verge of the trees, but still far away from where she was standing. "It was wrong to stay with you when we wanted such different things. It's not going to get better. I'll just keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I hate it."

I heard the crack in her voice, and I could depict the sadness in her words. They were true, and I felt despicable for the things that I was about to do, but it was what I wanted, and it was the only chance I would get. She was so naïve, especially by being near so many leeches, but that was her choice, so now I'm manipulating her to fulfill my desire. Boy, was I terrible, but it was the one chance for me to steal her heart away, and I'd have to do a hell of a job of it, I'm sure.

"Stop," I ordered. "You don't have to say anything else. I understand."

Then, I thought of what I was to say next. What was I going to say stunningly so that she would fall? I felt like a villain, but it was the parasite that was terrible. I was good for her, her natural choice, but maybe she was through with natural? Still, luring her was all I had.

"Well, you're not the only one capable of self-sacrifice. Two can play at that game."

I decided that I would twist her words around, beat her at her own game. If I couldn't steal her heart away, at least I could be put out in style.

"What?" she questioned.

"I've behaved pretty badly myself," and I knew I still would after today. "I've made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have given up with good grace in the beginning. But I hurt you, too," I explained. A good guy always gets the praise.

"This is my fault." Of course, dear old Bella to take all the blame.

"I won't let you chain all the blame here, Bella. Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself." A hero's statement, the climbing of the plan, right to the peak. Right now, I was setting up for my own glory and boldness.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, so clueless.

I looked up at the sun, knowing about my nature and my truth, and about what we could be. I could open her eyes if I continued, or I could be as dark as the truth inside of me. At least I could accept both, but her? She loved me, and I knew it. She always had—she had to choose, and I still had a fighting chance.

"There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there." Boy, what I wouldn't give to sink my teeth into a bloodsucker, one that frenzied for her just; though, not like Edward and myself. "I don't think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture." Setting up the suicidal sentence, having her beg me to stay here on the world. She wanted me out of her life, I would take myself out of it, end the pain.

"Oh, no, Jake! No, no no no," she choked out as my words struck her mind. "No, Jake, no. Please, no," she pleaded.

"What's the difference, Bella? This will only make it more convenient for everyone. You won't even have to move," I continued, persuading her that I thought that I didn't matter to her, that I showed no purpose to the world, especially after she'd stabbed me repeatedly.

"No! No, Jacob! I won't let you!" I recalled back a few months ago, when I'd said those very words for her to not be my enemy. I wouldn't let her make that choice, and I promised myself I wouldn't let that happen. I still had to fight, didn't I?

"How will you stop me?" I smiled, thinking of how it could be vice versa for her. How could I stop her from being with whom she loved more than me? How could I stop her from being happy if I truly loved her? I grinned, trying to hide the wound and searing pain that'd been brought by those thoughts. I doubted myself, now, but I had no choice but to go through with my plan. It was my last chance, wolf or not, I wouldn't take _him _out for it. That would hurt her, too. So, I'd take her heart away and get her to realize what was good for her.

"Jacob, I'm begging you. Stay with me," she pleaded, frozen in place.

"For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run away from me as soon as you think I'm safe again? You've got to be kidding," I snapped back, thinking of what she said earlier. I was so going to win this game.

"I won't run away. I've changed my mind. We'll work something out, Jacob. There's always a compromise. Don't go!" she said almost too quickly.

I could see that she wasn't lying, that she really wanted me to stay, but still, I brought it up.

"You're lying."

"I'm not. You know what a terrible liar I am. Look in my eyes. I'll stay if you do." So she'd kill herself for me? She'd do the same for her leech, too. But it still enlightened me that she was promising that to me.

"And I can be _your _best man at the wedding?" There was no way I was being _his _best man, but this was all part of the bargain. I'd like to see her happy, even if it isn't with me. I'd prefer to be the groom, but that'll be a while.

"Please."

"That's what I thought."

There was a pause, a sentimental moment, before I meant to say what I said next, "I love you, Bella."

To my surprise she answered back, "I love you, Jacob."

Half-heartedly, I responded with a smile.

"I know that better that you do."

Now, I began to walk away, to fight for her, to convince her that I was truly leaving this world so that she could be happy.

"Anything. Anything you want, Jacob. Just don't do this!" she called after me. I paused, wanting to say "Anything?" with a smile and then walk up and kiss her, but then boyfriend would break my nose, and that wouldn't seem fit for the brawl only down south.

I turned around slowly, a dramatic moment in the whole scheme of things.

"I don't really think you mean that."

"Stay," she begged me. So naïve.

I thought about her offer, but why not pull the plan out a little more? Have her see what it's like to fight to keep someone.

"No, I'm going. But I could leave it to fate." Again, a proposed suicidal thought.

"What do you mean?" she questioned, seeming almost broken and fragile.

"I don't have to do anything deliberate—I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen." I could die for you, go out in style as a hero. "_If _you could convince me you really did want me to come back—more than you wanted to do the selfless thing." I was giving her the option, to have me or to not have me.

"How?"

"You could ask me." You could ask me to be yours; you could ask me to stay alive; you could ask me to keep fighting, and I just might.

"Come back," she whimpered, pleadingly.

"That's not what I'm talking about." Though she seemed to really want me to stay with her, there was no way that I was letting her get what she wanted from me before I got something in return.

I let her think for a moment, only waiting until she would ask me with words that I've been dying to hear.

"Will you kiss me, Jacob?"

Being me, I had to play like I didn't believe her. So, I widened my own eyes and acted extremely surprised, then suspiciously stared at her.

"You're bluffing."

"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back."

I hesitated in the shadows of the forest again, pretending to fight with myself over her question. I moved my body so that it seemed like I was undecided. Then, I lunged for her in three strides. My hands grasped her face, holding her still, and I kissed her desperately, fiercely. She was frozen, and I tried to get some sort of response out of her for ages, but it seemed useless. I moved her closer to me, to deepen this kiss. I pulled her arms up around my neck, and all the while she was a brick.

I pulled and pulled at her, trying to get a response out of her, but there was nothing. My lips trailed her jaw line, and the base of her throat was exposed. My mouth explored her skin, and the heat that it possessed. She may be frozen, but I could hear her heart hammering.

Annoyed that she wasn't reacting, I talked to her, whispering and gasping in her ear, "You can do better than this, Bella. You're over thinking it."

I grazed her earlobe, making her whole body tremble in pleasure.

"That's right. For once, just let yourself feel what you feel."

She shook her head, and evilly, I put in, "Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?"

Then, desperately, she pulled at the hairs on the back of my neck. I loved her reaction, the imaginative passion rising rapidly in her eyes. The blazing fire and heat rising between the two of us, and I was desperate for her now.

With more power, I pulled her lips back to mine in one second, gasping for the hot breath of hers in my own mouth, scorching against my own tongue. Now, she was kissing me back, unsure of what was happening between us, but feeling it anyway. Her tongue danced with mine in synchronized motion, and our lips moved as one against each other. This was what I'd been dying to feel, this passion, the aroma, the heat; it was what I needed from her, no matter how many times she'd broken me. There was no safety between us, and no leech to interrupt.

She yanked on my hair, dragging me even closer to her, but it wasn't enough for either of us. It was never enough. Our love, my love for her, I knew that it wasn't enough to change her mind, to change what was already in motion. There was no turning back now, but at least I'd been given the one thing that I could see as a prize. We were one in the same, though it wasn't what we both needed it to be.

We would always share this intimate moment, but that would be just us, and it would be the only moment we'd have that was too intimate. And I saw fantasies. I saw children running around in the yard, falling over clumsily. I saw her in the kitchen, cooking dinner and laughing with Emily. I could feel her hands stroking my reddish-brown wolf hairs as I'd come home with a vampire in my mouth. I could hear her scolding me for bringing such disgusting things home to the family.

I froze, remembering the fight, and my duty to the pack. Sadly, my fun was over as a wolf growled in the distance. Seth was coming back, letting me know that I had to give myself over to nature, and to the Alpha. I stared into her eyes before I said anything, but I did eventually say something.

"I have to leave," I whispered to her reluctantly.

"No."

I smiled, knowing that she was satisfied with me as myself, and what we just shared. "I won't be long," I promised, but I couldn't truly decide that. However, to savor the moment, I decided I would kiss her again.

"But one thing first…"

And I kissed, more gently this time, realizing that it might be the very last time I kissed her. When I let go, I hugged her, pulling her head into my chest so that she could cry over the pain I just left her with. I tried to seal up the tears and not let the burst out. One of us needed to be strong.

Then, knowing I had to leave, I walked off into the dark forest. And as I shifted, I accepted the burden that I would bear of that moment for the rest of my life. Once I was able to, I let out an ear-splitting howl into the cold, misty air, and I sprinted off to fight for her safety against an army of the enemy.


End file.
